September 22, 2018

In honor of my Grandparents’ 67th Wedding Anniversary today, I am re-sending the “Marriage Wisdom” people on THD have shared over the years.

Happy Anniversary, Grandma & Grandpa!

Every day may not be as beautiful as this one, but they will be great days if you put each other first.

Love is a matter of the will not the heart. It is about commitment which produces everlasting love.

Enjoy the day with each other family and friends. It goes by so fast!!!!

Have integrity and a sense of humor – all else will fall into place.

I don’t have any words of wisdom; but one of the things that my husband and I have realized is that as much as we LOVE each other, it is really nice that we LIKE each other also!

My piece of advice (and I’m sure others have said it)… never go to bed mad.

My husband and I have been married for 34 years, and it is still fun. We try to share the work and always appreciate each other.

In the darkest of times, may you laugh through the tears;

May you wake up each morning and hold each other near;

If you disagree, may you not only listen, but hear;

But most importantly, as you go through your lives together,

May you always, like today, love without fear.

From here forward, a strong marriage and an even stronger love will not just happen. You need to make it happen. It will happen and thrive only if your choice is to put your marriage and your love for each other ahead of everything else. Sometimes you may not make the right choice; but as soon as you recognize it, own it, and sincerely apologize. If you fail to give a sincere apology, over time it will begin to impact the choices the other makes.

Communicate. Share everything, particularly in the tough times. And, above all, keep and continue to express that crazy sense of humor.

Your marriage will work best if you both clearly understand that you are on the same side (team).

It may sound cliché to say, but putting your marriage and each other ahead of all other things is the key to many successful years of marriage. This means your relationship comes before career, family, even your children. If you do this, you will ensure that fifty years from now, you don’t look across the breakfast table only to find a total stranger staring back.

After 38+ years of marriage all I can say is that it takes work, patience, and self-sacrifice at times but it is so worth it in the end. Enjoy the ride and Congratulations.

There is a movie from the early 1970’s that won the Oscar for best picture called Love Story. A big line from that movies was, “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

What a bunch of bologna. I believe that love means ALWAYS having to say you’re sorry. Even when you have no idea what you did wrong and even when you are positive you did nothing wrong.

I believe this because I think being able to apologize is key to moving on from a dispute that is likely not nearly as big a deal as it appears at the time and also is the attitude you need to have to always remember that your partner and your marriage is more important than winning an argument (and yes there will be arguments, trust me).

“Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Balance: without being asked, both of you always do a little more than your fair share.

A marriage done well brings the rewards and satisfaction of the ultimate job well done that you will both undertake, and it should, as marriage is the true labor of love two people can give to each other. Work on loving each other every day and enjoy the fruits of that work for a lifetime.

You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

After 32 years of marriage, we still have one day of the week that is a date day. (Thursdays) No matter what is going on, our rule is we can’t fight on that day. Always have a date day. Even if it’s just getting a coffee together. One day, moment, hour on the same day every week that is your time no matter what. It’s worked for us.

Coach Wooden even addresses marriage in his Pyramid of Success:

Friendship – Comes from mutual esteem, respect and devotion. Like marriage it must not be taken for granted but requires a joint effort.

Get a big old Golden Retriever to keep all the days filled with unconditional love. A golden retriever keeps that character daily in marriage. Been happily married 26 years and on our 4th Golden. God Bless.

Always keep the lines of communication open. Talk things out while they are small; don’t let them become the elephant in the room.

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest – never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” – Ann Landers

By the way, it is the “little things that matter” that make all the difference in business, in a successful marriage, and in one’s personal life. Today, “take care of the little things that matter.”

A decade’s worth of scientific studies shows gratitude has the power to improve your happiness, health, marriage and job.

“Love dies only when growth stops.” – Pearl Buck

“That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.” – Paul Tournier

“Once a wife has forgiven her husband, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” – Marlene Dietrich

“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” – John Steinbeck

INTIMACY

So how do you communicate to others what is inherently a secret? Or can you? How can the secret become “unhidden”? It becomes unhidden when people stop hiding—from God, themselves, and at least one other person.

Such risky self-disclosure is what is meant by intimacy, and intimacy is the way that love is transmitted. Some say the word comes from the Latin intimus, referring to that which is interior or inside.

Some say its older meaning is found by in timor, or “into fear.” In either case, the point is clear: intimacy happens when we reveal and expose our insides, and this is always scary.

One never knows if the other can receive what is exposed, will respect it, or will run fast in the other direction. It is always a risk.

But the reward of revealing yourself to your spouse, in marriage, is one of the great gifts of life.

May your marriage be blessed with a lifetime of intimacy.

We have been married 34 years next week… my how time flies when you are having fun! We are best friends. Here are some things that have helped us over the years:

The order in our life is this-

God first. Nurture your faith life. Talk to God like a highly respected friend…(I call that prayer)… with thanksgiving and gratitude. Lean on Him during hard times. Read scripture… the key to life is in the Bible.

Second – your spouse. Out serve each other. If your life gets super busy… put each other on your calendars. Schedule dates with each other.

Third – your family.

Fourth – work.

Every morning when you wake up, think of what little thing you can do to make your spouse’s day easier, better, or will make them smile.

Remember to do the little things for each other. I find that is what has made our marriage so fun. We find little things the other one likes and surprise each other daily.

“A word of encouragement from a teacher to a child can change a life. A word of encouragement from a spouse can save a marriage. A word of encouragement from a leader can inspire a person to reach her potential.” – John Maxwell

“What is right for one couple is wrong for another. I would say that there are many more important factors to a happy marriage.” – Elizabeth Aston

Marriage is never 50/50. Some days it’s 70/30 others can be 20/80. It’s all about give and take.

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers

Write down everything you remember about your wedding day while it is still fresh in your memory. That is something I wish I had done. It is surprising how quickly you forget things!

“A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.” – Andre Maurois

“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the church. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day – but also each day thereafter.” – Barbara de Angelis

To Do Today: Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Be kind and caring for one another each and every day of your life.

“Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.” – John D. MacDonald

“There’s an easy rule to keep a fire burning brightly that applies easily to a marriage: keep the logs together, near enough to share their warmth and far enough apart for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” – Mannie Reed Crowel

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” – Pearl Buck

Think to Thank. In these three words are the finest capsule course for a happy marriage, formula for enduring friendship, and a pattern for personal happiness.

Best relationship: Talk like best friends, play like children, argue like husband and wife, protect each other like brother and sister.

“A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises.’ – Andre Maurois

“To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash

“That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.” – Paul Tournier

Rules for a Happy Marriage:

• Never both be angry at once.

• Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

• If you must criticize, do so lovingly.

• Never bring up a past mistake.

• Neglect the whole world, rather than each other.

• Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing.

• When you’ve said or done something hurtful, acknowledge it and apologize.

• Never meet without an affectionate greeting.

• Remember, it takes two to argue.

• Never go to bed mad.

- Ann Landers

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